~Vanes~

I know I will never be happy if I continue to stay in this dreadful place!  I wanna to break free from all this stress & pressure creeping up to my day by day!  Was in the hope of going home early to pack & have a good rest for tomorrow’s Penang trip, but after a phone call with Mom, my mood CRASHED & was flushed into the sea!  I don’t feel like going home again!  Can someone tell me what to do?  I’m so stressful & I HATE talking to her!  In fact I feel disgusted talking to her! 

I hate to compare, but why is my mother so different??  Makes me wonder if she has spared a thot for her daughters?  Does she knows how pressurized I am?  Depression is a common sickness now, can I declare myself as depressed and throw all my problems away?  And why she loves to say nasty things to me?  I thot all mothers should dote on their children?  I’ve been independent since the age of 15, have I spoilt her so much during my days of prime?  I’ve tried to keep to myself & suppress every agony I have! 

I wanna MOVE OUT!!!!!  Bring my kids and leave this dreadful place!  But where can I go?  I can’t go back to my own fad, I need the rental to survive….that Bas@#&% did not care a sh*t about his kids, but it’s okie, I’m a STRONG Gal, ain’t I?  I need no sympathy, right?  But just a teeny weeny bit of concern, is that too much?  Someone whom I call my own to sayang me, is that too much? 

Had a quarrel with T aka SK this morning!  He’s picking a fight with me for no reason!  But it’s kinda sweet tho, I never know I am such an angel in his eyes!!  How much he cares, but I still think he was a JERK this morning!  RASCAL..PUNK….BOO BOO!!!…..(I believe many years down the road, no matter what is the outcome, I know that when I read this blog, I will be smiling to myself)!  No one knows what will be happening, but just take a step at a time…Just indulge & enjoy the love that befalls on me.  No doubt he can’t always be with me, but that’s life, isn’t it??  Things don’t always turn out to be the way I wanna it to be!!  Feels like placing the pictures of me & him here, but NOPE!  Better be safe (cos of certain reason)!  But my Princess Bubble really did a great job in the editing/photoshop!  Isn’t technology great??  Of cos with the effort put in by my Princess Bubble!!!! She’s the best!  Be happy always, my Princess!!

Will I be happy one day???  Maybe I’ll never have the answer!!  Cheers Vanes, I love you!  Dun cry!

Really PISSED OFF NOW!!!!!!!!

Yawn!!!  So sleepy!  Been chilling out with my Bubble for almost a month now, since the trip from Thailand.   Lots of things happened and changed!  Everyday seems so packed with activities and never enough of sleep!  BUCK UP!