Taken out from Sub blog - Dated oct/2006 (爱我的人和我爱的人)
爱我的人！
Its so distressing! Dunno why things turn so messy! And this time K.A freak me out!! I’ve already made it clear to him that I dun wanna be committed! Okie okie…I mean not committed to him tho! He kept stressing he expecting me to give him the concern & care like how he wanted it!! I mean, I’ve already given the care & concern as how a fren should have done! But that’s not what he wants!! I feel that I can’t breathe with him putting me under the microscope! Wanna know where I am, wanna be with me everytime, get mood swings when I went out!! DAMN!! Give me a break!! I’m already upset enough!! And HE"S NOT THE ONE I WANNA TO BE CLOSE WITH!!!! Why is it always the kind of scenerio that ‘The one you love is so far & unreachable!! Yet the one who loves you, stick to you all the time!!!???‘ Sending me sms-es that he only need a simple call from me when he feel down, He’s twisting his words!! I knew he wanted more!! And I feel that he’s making up stories to get my attention!!! And so sorry, I can’t!! My heart is with another…I just dun understand why K.A still doesn’t want to stop all this!! I’ve already state everything clear and can’t he be abit more firm and stop calling me?? Thot he mentioned he wanna stop calling me!! He thot he can threaten me, but I’m sorry that he can’t! Cos I DUN CARE!! By all means, dun contact me!! But he still contact me in the end!! Sigh….I really give up!!
我爱的人！
Well, to think of it…I guessed it’s just a fantasy & unreal world of mine…I should have learn how to accept the reality & facts! Wake up, Vanes!!
My domestic worker always asked me a question. "Why dun you wanna get re-married?? You’re so young and pretty?"
I will always tell her "I beg your pardon! Me pretty? Haha, well nobody wants me!! I’m not shopping in a supermarket where I could pick & choose!! Who would want someone like me wif 2 kids?? Even there is, he’s might be a illusion & not meant for me! I dun have such luck!
But I was really surprised wat my mom said over the weekend! Me, my sis & mom were casually talking about my cousin’s 2nd marriage on last Wednesday..and who’s taking care of her little gal…Suddenly, my mom said out loud that if I were to get re-married, she wanted me to leave my 2 kids with her, cos she can’t bear the thought of leaving the children, and especially when Josen is so active & autistic so she’s worried that the "stepfather" will not like him. I really was stumped! Not sure if I’m happy, cos seems that my mom is suddenly so understanding towards me, trying to let me know that I shouldn’t worry about the kids and she’s protective towards my kids. Or am I upset? Having the thots of not living with my 2 precious kids!
If I happen to meet my Mr.Right and he can’t accept my kids, I hate to, but I’ve to let him go…cos that means he can’t accept my everything…I don’t want to start another family with that Mr.Right & have my kids think that I forsake them cos of my 2nd family!! They’re a part of me!! I love them!!
