Drink, Drank But Not DRUNK!!
Hello Bloggie, it’s me again at this wee hour….Do you know I had a new nickname days ago? 小蚱蜢 (little cricket) given by my hubby bear bear. He said that I am always jumping around whenever I have something to share with him. But this time, I am sharing with you what I did today (Instead of the usual him)…
This morning was terrible. I couldn’t wake up as I’ve pounding headache. Guess last nite of writing blog and weeping myself to sleep caused chaos to my usual body clock. Reached office only about 12.15pm..wow!! However I can’t do a thing today again. Stared at the screen and did nothing. All I could see are flashes of memories, me with him…Tears came and go, Nose turned red and sore…I stared at my mobile the whole day. I even checked thru my office phone and his last call was 14 February, 3.33pm. Drafted sms to him (like I usually did) but sent to Outbox instead. Drafting all sms-es, pretending to send it to him, but this time is different cos I know I won’t have any reply. Finally I couldn’t supprress it anymore. Sms to him altho I know he’s avoiding me…Finally he replied after several sms from me! The strong gal for that morning became emotionally fragile and weep again after seeing his sms. I’m a total flop.
However he promised to call me later at nite when he deemed it’s safe to call. I am freaking happy for that moment. His replies to me made me lighten up eventually. I decided to analyze the situation properly…became more calm and rational after the "antidote" (his replies). Dun get the wrong idea that he pacified me or tried to humour me with his sweet nothings…Nothing of that sort..it was juz that I feel more relaxed and not tensed up after hearing from him. It’s just that special bond I feel from his presence.
However, I began to have doubts and worries. I began to hesitate whether to answer his call in case he really call! I realized that altho I wanted to hear his voice, but I don’t know what to say. Cos I know what I’m going to face is his cruelty and I will be even upset! I planned to avoid his call….
7.55pm…..my phone rang and it’s his "Bunny Picture" appearing in my phone. What should I do?!! If I reject the call, will it be the last time he call? It rang for sometime before I finally answered!
It’s painful and I decided to drown myself with liquor tonite! Went to my usual haunt "Stones". Ordered a bottle of Chivas and decided to slap myself with waves of puking…I washed every glass down with 1 gulp….I can’t seem to get drunk or even tipsy! Lots of foreigners..and I was even "molested" by one….I didn’t know he sneaked up to me and started rubbing behind me….I was surrounded by 2 Caucasians and I feel like kicking them in the balls. I have not let any guys come near me like that for those months I’m with my hubby bear bear. Fear was what I had in mind then and images of my Hubby Bear Bear were what I saw..If he was there with me, he will protect me, won’t he?
2am….time to go home but I’m still sober..not wanting to go home, I decided to adjourn somewhere else…but where?? Suddenly I felt so pathetic…I wanna cry out loud! Wanted to wail & bawl in the middle of the road. I miz my hubby bear bear…what is he doing right now when I am missing him so much and every muscles in me ache for him. I wanna drown myself in drinks, but I failed. I guessed it was because I’m intoxicated by Sadness instead of Liquor. I’ve nowhere to go, no place to hide and no place to relate my sadness. Love hurts. I really put 200% into this relationship…I’m not ready to let go, I dun want…i dunno wat to do. It’s freaking painful!
***Why is it that a wife will only pay attention to her husband after realizing that he has started another relationship? But all the while she has been taking the hubby for granted? I really treasure & love him like crazy but I guessed that the effort and love that I have given him are not good enuff and is not what he wanted. Nothing to be compared to her casting a look his way.
